She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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