three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
