did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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