when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
