So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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