guys are not supposed to queef...right?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
