i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
