I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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