i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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