C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
