shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
