So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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