Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
