and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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