So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
