dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
