I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
