Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
