...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
