I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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