laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
50% drunk capacity currently
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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