She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We're too hungover to prance.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
