she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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