Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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