Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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