but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
