you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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