i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
