I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Drunk is a universal language darling
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