Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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