my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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