Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
