I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
