Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
