well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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