so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
