I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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