If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
