How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
