I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
