I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
