we have officially lost it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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