suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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