adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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