You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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