ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
