Pappa wants mamma naked
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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