to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm too high and old for this...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
