1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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