I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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