That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
