this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
