I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
