Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
