I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
