You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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